remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
