I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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