So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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