smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
