He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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