So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
