Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
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He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
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Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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