today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
