i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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