Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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