Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
