So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
