After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
