Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
