Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
It's blow job season.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
