My underwear smells like fireworks.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
