she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
