He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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