I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
