I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
