WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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