It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
