so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize