Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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