I want to walk on stilts...naked
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You are a genius and a whore.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
