I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
