she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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