you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
