Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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