I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
