There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
