she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
