I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
