a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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