so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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