my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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