So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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