I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
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