she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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