i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
