In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Randomize
