T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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