we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
