i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
my poor anus
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I supernannyed him into submission
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
