O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
