i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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