You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
My pussy is not your playground.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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