i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
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Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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