she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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