Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
