Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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