he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
