3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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