her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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