Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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