There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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