1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
