Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
