i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
