Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
