Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
