Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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