shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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