someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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