Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Randomize
