i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
