U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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